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The band's audience at Flevo in the Netherlands - flickr.com/photos/albertjan

There’s nothing like the peace that fills our home when JT returns from tour. Everything seems calm and settled, a sense of restoration feels almost tangible. The first night home is when I have the best sleep; I can snuggle up close and fall asleep listening to his breathing. I don’t think I’ll ever take that for granted.

flickr.com/photos/albertjan

That’s right, I’m back! I’ve gone back on my word but not without my reasons. I want to thank all the wonderful women who commented on my post for musicians’ wives. It’s so encouraging to read your stories and know there are other women struggling with this lifestyle! That’s why I’ve decided to continue posting my experiences here on Riot Wife, to foster these connections and share my joys & trials in being a young musician’s wife.

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Currently, my man is on his way back to Canada from Europe. They have a show in Nova Scotia tomorrow night, then home sweet home Saturday. We’ve had a lot of time together this summer, so that has made the week seem easier. I’m also in the country housesitting and taking care of a dog, cats, and chickens, so that keeps my mind distracted. Night is always the most difficult when there’s nothing to do except lie in bed waiting for sleep and dwelling on how empty the house is.

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If you have a blog, website, or any type of resource for the wives of musicians, please get in touch!

Road Crew Wives is a great blog that just started up, so check it out! Any wife with husbands in the music industry will be able to relate.

I just got off the phone with J-hub, who is off touring the world again with his band. Every time he leaves I search the internet for coping strategies from other band wives, hoping that something (anything!) has been added since last time. There are online support groups for wives of dudes in the military, ministry, and trucking industry and women in long-distance relationships, but very few resources are available for those of us married to professional musicians who travel.

There are one-off threads like this one on eNotAlone or outdated message boards like Music Widows, but no place to share how we deal with this lifestyle. Of course, the ways we manage are personal and unique to each wife, but I thought I’d share some tips I’ve learned over the past couple of years. And of course, I’ve learned them the hard way. There is no Idiot’s Guide to Marrying a Professional Musician!

1. Make time for each other. In the marriage course we participated in before the wedding, we were told to go on a date every week and set aside an hour each day to talk about your relationship. That’s great if you stay at home or both have 9-5 jobs, but not always possible when your man is touring.

So while he’s home from tour, spend as much time together as possible whenever possible. Schedule that dentist’s appointment or lunch with the girls when he’s away. And all that housework you’re falling behind on? It can wait. Work on making some great memories together that can carry you through his absence and keep a smile on your face, even while you’re missing each other.

2. Communicate! I can’t stress enough how important it is to keep communicating with each other. Technology has made it so much easier to do this, even when he’s on the other side of the world. Keeping in touch doesn’t have to strain your budget. Even though we can’t always speak on the phone, we send text messages and e-mails and keep each other updated through Twitter. We also have Skype, which can be difficult to manage when we’re in different time zones

3. Spend time with family and friends. These people will carry you through. Call up some of your single friends and have a potluck dinner (which also solves having to cook for yourself). Have tea parties instead of pity parties!

When I’m feeling particularly lonely and isolated, I try to think of other people in my life who might feel the same way. Usually it’s J-hub’s grandma or my great-Aunt Mary, who both live alone. I call them up just to talk and I’ve had some of the most wonderful conversations with them. Plus I feel so much better knowing that there’s two less lonely people in the world.

4. Cherish the time spent on your own. Use these opportunities to learn a new skill or craft. Take an art or language class. Go out to have fun and do something for yourself. You’ll feel re-energized and actually come to appreciate some time apart (just as long as it’s not too much time!). It’s great when your man returns and you can share stories of your new experiences. It’ll put less pressure on him while he’s away to know you’re taking care of yourself.

5. Don’t feel sorry for yourself. This one can be tough and is something I struggle with. Especially when friends and family say to you, “Oh, you poor little thing, all alone while your husband’s away gallivanting with his friends.”  Yeah, doesn’t help. It gets too easy to settle into a negative mindset and it does nothing to change the fact that he’s away for however many days/weeks/months. If you follow these tips, you’ll be less likely to throw week-long pity parties for yourself (which nobody comes to, by the way, other than you and your cat).

These are a small start, but I hope they help. If you have any tips or suggestions of your own, please feel free to share them in the comments. We band widows have to stick together!